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Engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest
The reader’s interest is engaged through a vivid description of the setting. Additionally, the statement “I felt a shiver up my spine” draws the reader in, raising the question of what could disrupt such a pleasant morning.

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Includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character
Sensory detail is used in the introduction of the piece – “wind rose slowly right through me. Red orange, yellow leaves fell above me. The sun was bright as a sunflower.”

Excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies
Extraneous details are slightly problematic. For example, the statement “[Brian] worked with his aunt for awhile” is unimportant within the context of the story as presented. Likewise, the previous encounter with Brian plays no role within the narrative.

Develops complex characters
The phrase “jumping out of my seat” shows that the character is excited (Show Not Tell), though overall there is a general lack of complex character. The main character has a single mindset, that of being in love. She only hints at other emotions.

Uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions
Dialogue is used throughout the Narrative.

Uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions
When used, the use of specific narrative action is effective. For instance, the narrator looks into Brian’s eyes when discussing this drawing. This helps to create some romantic tension between the two.

Provides a sense of closure to the writing
The author attempts to explain significance in the final paragraph, though without the outcome of the story, the significance is unresolved.

Forces of Nature: How We First Met

Wind rose slowly right through me. Red, orange, and yellow leaves fell above me. The sun was bright as a sunflower.The smell of roses brushed against my face. I glided like the wind slowly on my way to school on a Thursday morning. I enter P.S. 153 and say, “Good morning,” to everybody I see. I walk into my class and settled my things. My two friends, Nancy and Stephania sat beside me. We all waited for our teacher to arrive. As I'm sitting, I feel a shiver up my spine.

Ms. Rabito walks in through the door with someone. “Okay class, I won't be here for long, so I have a helper with me,” she shouted. It was so weird because that was the same guy I saw in C-town! I even had a conversation with him. “Yo Brian!” my classmates roared. “Brian?” I whispered. I was so excited to see him. I couldn't understand why. He is five-foot, eight. Brian had dark brown hair. Brian also had these big, brown, beautiful eyes that just hypnotized me. His lips thin, as if it was painted by Van Gogh. His skin is the color of French vanilla. Brian is Italian. Also, I was infatuated with him. He worked with his aunt for awhile. In my school, I stared at him for awhile. My best friend Nancy looked at me and grew suspicious. As if she knew what I was thinking, Brian came in and said, “You guys need to be quiet. Ms. Rabito has to do a few things, so I'll be here.” He slowly came toward me and said, “Hey, have I seen you before?”

“Yes, I bumped into you in C-town and we had a small conversation,” I explained, jumping out of my seat. He told me yeah, that he remembered. He asked for my name. I asked him how hold he was. He said he was 16. We continued on talking. I suddenly felt fascinated with him. I was thinking, “I'm gonna faint.” He's just so perfect and I love him.

“You like Brian?” Nancy whispered. When I stopped talking to him, Jose came. Then I turned slowly to Nancy and told her yes. Ms. Rabito walks toward me and asks me to check if everyone has homework. Ms. Rabito was strict about homework. My whole classroom became silent. Jose returned to his seat. Ms. Rabito left the classroom. I walked around checking my classmates' homework. “Hey Jackie, please come over here for a sec,” Brian said. I ran to him as if he was hurt. “Yeah?” I said. I grabbed a chair and sat down near him. He asked me what I thought of his picture.

It was a drawing of a woman and her son. “Wow, that's nice. I love it. Is it supposed to be you and your mom?” I asked, looking into his beautiful brown eyes. “You can say that,” he answered. I slowly got up and told him our Spanish teacher is coming, so I went back to my seat.

“Don't tell me you're in love, Jackie. Oh my God, someone please smack her,” Stephania suggested. “I'll be more than happy to do it,” Nancy butted in. “Hola,” our Spanish teacher shouted. Brian got his things, went over to me and whispered, “Jackie, this is gonna sound a bit awkward, but I was just wondering what you're doing after school. You can probably come to an open party with me. It's at the park.” I was shocked. “Ok? Yeah, I'll go,” I said, giggling. He told me he'll see me there. Everybody said goodbye to him. Stephania and Nancy hovered over me with questions. I was so happy.

Was it a date? I'm Puerto Rican. He's Italian. Why would he be interested in me? I guess it's forces of nature that brought us together. I can't wait to see him at the open party at the park in Flushing . Finally, I'm no longer heartbroken. I picked this memory to write about because this has made me happy. I love this memory a lot, and I would just love to share it with my children one day because this memory is priceless. And it should be shared.

Additional Comments:

The narrative clearly establishes the settings. After the description of the street, the setting clearly change to the classroom.
A lack of conflict is the narrative's most significant issue. There is no main question to be resolved within the piece. One way conflict could be introduced is to explore the issue of dating between individuals with different backgrounds. If the narrative centered the plot around the narrator's hesitance to date Brian because of their differences, reader interest in the piece would increase.

Overall Grade: Approaches Standards